Shane Life

I’m not going to go so far as to say that I HATE cheerleaders…

But after spending a day cramped in the bleachers of a high school gymnasium (because my wife and her sister are the coaches of a high school dance team) and hearing:

Goooood job good job!

Goooood job good job!

Goooood job good job!

A VERY GOOD JOB!

over and over and OVER again…I will say that the level of hate that I have for their CHEERS is immeasurable.

Today, People Magazine posted a story online (I got the link from CNN, I swear) in which Vanessa Hudgens (she of High School Musical fame) shares the “secret to her great relationship with co-star Zac Efron.”

There are so many things wrong with this story, but I’d like to tackle her “secret.”

“If you really love someone, you shouldn’t have to work at it,” the actress tells Cosmo Girl! for its July/August issue, reports Entertainment Tonight. “You finish each others’ sentences and have the same sense of humor.”

First of all, it should be assumed that we all know this is a 19-year-old talking about the secret of her great relationship with her 20-year-old co-star. It’s beyond ridiculousness. Hudgens and Efron have been dating since October of 2007. For those of you that are bad with math, that’s less than 12 months.

While a great relationship should not feel like work, you still have to work at it. If I’m going to take a celebrity’s sage advice about relationships, I’ll stick with my boy Will Smith who said:

“Counseling, individual learning, books, conflict resolution,” Smith confided. “It is a full time job to try and be happy. People tend to think that they can go to work for 50 or 60 hours a week and then come home and their relationship is just supposed to work.”

That’s the truth. Why would you spend less time working at your relationship than you do on your career? I know that People’s business is selling magazines and driving traffic to their site, but it’s really irresponsible for them to prop up this lackadaisical attitude toward relationships, especially from a teenage pop star who has been in her supposed “serious” relationship less than a year.

Over the past several months, Alli and I have been doing some pre-marital counseling for a couple that I will be marrying in late July. It’s been a terrific experience because out of all the things I’m good at, I think I’m probably best at being married. It’s not a skill that will necessarily lead to a long, illustrious career, but it sure makes my life a lot more enjoyable.

One of the things that I’ve found is a constant in the couples that I look to as relationship mentors in my life is that if you want to make a relationship or a marriage work, you should work harder at your relationship than you would in your career. When you do, it won’t feel like work. You’ll be happier, your significant other will be happier, and you’ll find that working at a relationship can be the most rewarding thing that you’ll ever do. If I had but one piece of advice to give to couples, that would be it.

That, and don’t get relationship advice from 19-year-olds in People Magazine.

Maybe I haven’t been paying attention…when did personal injury lawyers and ambulance chasers become cool again? You know who I’m talking about, don’t you? Those awful attorneys have managed to skim millions of dollars from unsuspecting clients by promising big payoffs for Vioxx usage and miscellaneous injuries. That’s the only explanation for the deluge of advertisements we’re subjected to on a daily basis.

One of the ones that makes me laugh every time is the one from ambulance chasers Peterson & Company. These are the guys who use the awful URL to pimp their class action lawsuits out to the masses. The ones with THIS GUY talking about 816lawfirm.com. Is there a more embarrassingly generic web address?

What they don’t tell you is that they get you to sign up for a larger class action lawsuit and then when they get millions and millions of dollars from the offending company, the reward is split up among the thousands of folks attached to the class action while the attorneys recoup their nice fat commission on the full amount.

Companies like this seem to be spreading like the plague. It seems like a new commercial pops up every other day.

However, the worst offender has to be Brown & Crouppen. You know them… A sophisticated legal weapon. The fat guys in their commercials just seem like mobsters. “I’m Terry Crouppen. I’m a lawyer. I fix problems.” “We kept our word. We made ‘em PAY!” That’s my favorite one…with the guys sitting around the table talking about how rich they made their client and all that. “He’s a good guy. He didn’t deserve this.” And you’re right. He didn’t deserve to be canonized on your cheesy TV commercial to boost your ego.

Now, Brown & Crouppen have a new awful ad with the Crouppen son talking about how they’ll call them back in 24 hours guarantee or they can call him personally. Just a question, though…how do they do that? You don’t put your number up there LifeLock-style. An empty promise, it seems.

I have a proposal. It can be like McCain-Feingold’s Campaign Finance Reform…the government should mandate that these lawyers are required to disclose the amounts that they themselves received for each winning case and put that on screen as a comparison to what their clients actually walked away with.

Maybe then we’ll be able to fast-forward through their awful commercials in peace.

The Kansas City Star is reporting that gas consumption is down throughout the region (and across the nation).

High gas prices across the nation are causing people to drive less and less because the result of higher fuel prices is that people must conserve money to make sure they can pay for more necessary things like food and shelter.

I know I’m not the first person to say, this, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Higher gas prices are a good thing.

The United States consumes more fuel than every other nation on the planet. It makes sense that we should probably pay less for it since we use more, right? This is true. However, we’ve grown accustomed to such low gas prices that any spike at the pump results in us crying foul and calling for boycotts of Shell and any other oil company that sells gas.

And while it’s true that oil companies like ExxonMobil and BP have made more money in the last several years than ever, I still don’t think we pay enough for gas.

Boycotting specific gas stations really doesn’t hurt anyone but the gas station owner, who operates on a very very slim margin. Out of the $3.34 per gallon (the price at the Quik Trip I pass on my way to work), the gas station actually profits a very small percentage, with the majority going to the oil company and the refineries to pay for the crude and the cost of refining it.

Oil companies are making huge profits because we still have yet to temper our consumption of oil. High gas prices have not done anything to the way that we live our lives. I still drive my SUV from Olathe to Fairway by myself every day, filling up once per week for $60+ each time.

Maybe when gas reaches $4 per gallon, I’ll actually get serious about taking the bus because it will finally be worth the huge hassle (we’re talking about 2 transfers and about a 2-hour commute to go 20 miles) to actually ride it. I imagine there are others out there who think the same way.

That’s why higher gas prices are a good thing. Maybe they will finally encourage us who consume more oil than any other nation (although China’s nipping at our heels) to change the way we think and put pressure on those who can do something about it to actually…do something about it.

I still believe that the American people have a say. It’s one of the reasons why I support Barack Obama. He’s someone who I believe will take the voice of the people under consideration when developing legislation. The issue is that people don’t care enough about it right now to really do something about it. We can’t rely on corporations like oil companies and car companies to magically do the right thing. They are going to do what is most profitable because they are still profit-based companies. They don’t owe you lower gas prices. It’s up to you to stand up and say, “If that’s how you’re gonna play it, then I’ll just change my lifestyle entirely.”

This is the only way we’re actually going to get viable alternative fuels and good mass transit in bigger cities – by actually telling people that they suck.

This isn’t an Earth Day post, but was inspired by a discussion I heard on the radio on the way into work. The host was outraged by the high gas prices and brought in an expert who basically said, TOUGH. And I agree. It’s time for people to get used to $4 per gallon gas because it’s not coming down anytime soon. Hopefully, it will inspire some folks to do something about it.

(And to those of you who are going to suggest that I get a different car, the answer is no. This one’s paid for.)

I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared how much I absolutely LOATHE inflatable lawn things.

It started with Christmas a couple years back. Inflatable Santas and snowmen began to adorn the lawns of suburbanites across America.

It’s gotten ridiculous.

There are now inflatable whatevers for every single psuedo-holiday that Hallmark wants to shove down our throat. To be honest, besides their obvious obnoxiousness, they represent to me just another area where we’ve chosen the easiest route over putting work and thought into something. It just seems lazy to me.

What do you think?

Original flickr photo from Slice

It’s been almost 8 years since I graduated college with an English degree.

I spent the first year or so out of college as a writer, but as the company I worked for grew, my role changed and morphed and in time, I became a graphic designer. I didn’t do it on purpose, it just kind of happened.

I enjoyed it for a long time because it made me feel creative, but over time, the doubts creeped into my mind because I wasn’t trained as a designer…I was trained as a writer. I have confidence in my abilities with the tools — I’m a proficient user of Photoshop, InDesign and the whole suite of Adobe products that designers hang their hats on, but I often doubted my ability to actually design.

I eventually (and maybe only recently) overcame that belief that I just wasn’t a good enough graphic designer. I know now that there were negative forces who caused me to feel that way and I’m fortunate that those forces no longer hold any power in my life.

However, as I’ve embraced my role as graphic designer, I’ve lost touch with my writing background. That’s what this blog has always been about, really &mdash an outlet for me to tap my fingers to the keyboard and see what comes out. And while I thoroughly enjoy the blogging process, I’m finding that in my new job, I’m being called upon more and more to develop content (which is business-speak for “write”). I still can write perfectly servicable copy, but I am struggling to regain my voice as a writer. It’s as if I’ve gone hoarse &mdash the words are there, they just aren’t emerging with a lot of clarity.

Lately, I’ve been working diligently on a couple of projects that are very important to me. Neither are work projects and both are requiring to write a considerable amount of content. I’m finding myself grossly inadequate right now of accomplishing that writing and it’s really frustrating.

If this post doesn’t make any sense, it only proves its point.

Dear Neighbors,

Please instruct your children on the rules of playing in the street.

1. If a car comes, move.
2. If a car drives up to you and stops and you are standing in the middle of the road, move.
3. If a car is trying to pull into the driveway you are playing in and you are standing in the middle, move.
4. If you are playing in a driveway that is not your own and then finish playing, please pick up your scooter and return it to your own yard.
5. If your neighbor who does not have (nor does not want) children has the steepest driveway in the cul-de-sac, do not take that as an invitation to race your scooter down the driveway.

Regards,
The neighbor who does not have (nor does not want) children

We received a very unfortunate piece of news on the final day of our vacation: Alli’s high school art teacher and mentor had passed away after a battle with cancer. It was a really rough time – Ms. McGuire was the reason that Alli became a painter and much of the reason that Alli took the trip to Europe to see all of the artwork that we did.

The news came as a shock to her, but we were buoyed by the fact that we would in fact be arriving home in just enough time to drive to Council Bluffs for the memorial service. We waited quietly for Claudio to come pick us up so we could make our train from Naples to Rome.

We decided early on that we would fly in and out of Paris because it was considerably cheaper than flying out of Rome. Plus, it gave us the opportunity to see Paris, which was something that I really wanted to do with Alli.

What this meant, though, was that we would have a full day of travel our last day of vacation. First we would ride with Claudio to Naples, then we would catch a train to Rome, and then we would catch another train that would take us overnight to Paris, where we would wake up and have plenty of time to make our flight home from Charles de Gaulle airport.

The first part of the trip went remarkably well. We arrived in Naples with plenty of time to make our train (thanks to Claudio, the consiglieri of the Italian Taxi Mob), and we arrived in Rome with enough time to grab some food before our night train.

We went to a place called Mr. Panino, a fast-food, Italian version of Subway, only without all the health. Man, was it ever disgusting. We grabbed our last gelato of the trip in the airport and it ended up almost making up for the nastiness that was Mr. Panino – it was creamy and tasty, probably the 3rd best gelato we had (out of 11 total, I think).

Our train from Rome to Paris was slightly delayed, which sucked because the Rome Termini train station is a madhouse, full of begging gypsies who exploit their own children and various vagabonds and smokers. Plus, it was spectacularly hot.

When we got on the train and into our tiny traveling car (the picture at right shows ALL of the room – the beds are behind that mirror and fold down), the heat was stifling. The air conditioning was barely leaking out of the single vent by the window and it didn’t work properly unless you shut yourself in the closet of a room, which emphasized the suffocating nature of the heat.

We pulled away from the station about 30 minutes late, which didn’t cause us a ton of worry – the guy who was the train representative in our coach assured us we’d make up the time on the way. Even if we didn’t, we had over 4 hours to make our plane when we arrived in Paris – plenty of time to get from Gare du Nord, where we’d be arriving, up to the second Charles de Gaulle airport train terminal.

Alli and I passed some of the time watching episodes of The Office on our ipod video (totally genius) and The Italian Job. We tried putting the beds down and crowding into one of them, but the heat persisted through most of the night, keeping us plenty uncomfortable along the way. We attempted sleep, but as it was before, sleep was difficult on the train. It was made more difficult when in the middle of the night, we discovered that we were stopped in the middle of nowhere. We got concerned as the stops got longer; at one point we were probably stationary for over an hour.

As light came, we began passing through French towns, which was encouraging, but not uplifting considering that we had to get to Paris, which sits in the Northwest part of France. I knew that once we passed through Dijon that we were a couple hours out. We were scheduled to be in Dijon around 6:45. We arrived after 9.

We were really starting to get concerned now. The cabin train rep assured us that we’d only be 2 hours late, which would be enough time for us to make our plane still, but any later and we’d be seriously pushing it considering we were on an international flight to Newark.

The cabin train rep lied. 2 hours became 3. We now had just over an hour to get off our train, catch a metro from Southern Paris to Northeastern Paris, clear security and make our plane. It was starting to look bleak. I started to unravel and my wife, God bless her, was the one who remained calm along the way. We finally managed to get some change to get onto the subway and got quickly on the train to the airport. We had to make 11 stops in about 45 minutes.

We didn’t make it.

Considering that we were trying to return home in time for a funeral, it was a major blow. As I spoke with the Continental desk, Alli sobbed behind me, which made me all the more upset that Continental was not doing more to assist us in finding another flight out. It’s no wonder that people are disgruntled with the airline industry – Continental provided us with no assistance and absolutely no concern for our well-being. I could chalk it up to the desk workers being French, but it is the same back in the states. We need an Airline Passengers’ Bill of Rights and quickly.

After attempting to get on several different airlines (despite the Continental desk telling us that we couldn’t…we could for a fee), we resigned ourselves that we were not going to get home that night. We found the only hotel that was a part of the airport, the Airport Sheraton. It was certainly above what we wanted to spend, but I really did not want to get a taxi or shuttle to another, less expensive hotel. Considering that I was planning to make Trenitalia or SNCF pay for our stay, I wasn’t too worried about it (I am still waiting to hear back from them).

I had an absolutely spectacular cheeseburger – something I’d denied myself these 3 weeks – that evening in the hotel terrace restaurant. While we could have stayed somewhere cheaper, it was nice to stay in a quality hotel and get a good night’s sleep after all that we’d been through in the past 36 hours. It was awesome to get a nice hot shower and to have a comfortable bed to sleep in after sleeping on plywood for a week in Amalfi.

We awoke plenty early to make our flight, arriving when the airport opened. We got in line to clear customs and found ourselves in line for a flight to Newark that left earlier than ours did. This was weird, considering that the morons at the Continental desk told us that we were on the earliest flight out. Another Continental worker that morning managed to get us on the flight because (big surprise) all flights to Newark were delayed. The early flight, scheduled to leave at 9:10 AM was now not scheduled to leave until after NOON.

Guess what. We missed our connection in Newark. But we did finally make it. It turned out that Andie McDowell was on our flight from Paris and the first thing we saw when we got off in Newark was her yelling at someone on a cell phone – a very diva-like moment. We had almost 4 hours to wait for our flight, during which we charged our ipod.

We also had one more celebrity sighting, spotting Nicole Ritchie and all of Good Charlotte waiting for a flight to Nashville. I snapped an OK picture of her, but it’s hard to spot her baby bump. She is so small that it’s hard to imagine her carrying a baby…she looks like she’s maybe 11 years old.

We got on our flight to KC that was supposed to leave around 8:30. DELAYED. But this time, we were on the airplane and sat on the runway for OVER TWO HOURS. After this experience, I’ll never fly Continental again. I don’t care if I have to pay more to fly someone else…it won’t be Continental. It’s so confusing how airlines cannot get their stuff together. I saw an interview with the head of American Airlines and he acted like they had no control over the awfulness that plagues the airways. You and I know this isn’t true. Customer service is at an all-time low in every airline except one. You’d think that the other airlines would study what Southwest is doing right with their domestic flights and figure out how to apply it to international flights.

But alas, the major airlines are all run by morons who think they know what the customer wants, but really have no clue. We finally arrived home after a huge delay, thankful to be back on the ground in Kansas City and to be sleeping in our own bed that night. We were also thankful to have someone picking us up at the airport (thanks, mom).

As dreadful as our travel to and from Paris was…if I had to choose between going and not going…it wouldn’t even be a contest. But still…it would be nice to know that if we decided to go back that the morons who run the airlines and trains somehow managed to remove their heads from their behinds.