I used to write on this blog a lot.
I started this blog way back in 2004 as an outlet for my writing. It ended up being a place for me not only write, but also to connect with other great people in the KC blogging community. Many I have met and others I haven’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because we never crossed paths.
Over the years, the frequency with which I posted faded. I got busier at work as my responsibilities changed and grew. I took on more stuff outside of work — church stuff, photography, professional development. And then I just kind of stopped posting altogether. Here and there, I’d put something up, but it never felt the same…like what I was saying had any substance.
I think that might be because as the years passed, the Internet grew to be this behemoth that it is now and I began to question whether anything I was saying was original anymore. It probably wasn’t even way back in the day, but I was blissfully narrow-minded. Instead of writing just to write, I felt like anything I posted had to mean something and that became the biggest hurdle of them all.
Putting a post together takes time. Or at least I think it does… Time is something that I rarely have. Before, I had time at work, time after work…I was flush with it. That’s just not the case anymore.
But then again, maybe I should just write for writing’s sake again and not worry about well-formed sentences or spelling or whatever. After all, that unedited, stream-of-consciousness journaling-like nature is what got me to 1000+ posts. There’s still this nagging feeling that my posts should mean something, but I don’t know why I’m so concerned about that considering I’ve put out more than 25,000 posts of 140 characters or less on Twitter and I would venture to guess less than 1% actually mean something.
Hey. I just met you and this is crazy, but hereâ€™s an idea: can we knock it off with the â€œCall Me Maybeâ€ knock offs already, maybe?
— Shane Adams (@shaneadams) July 25, 2012
I guess this feeling makes me think of An Invocation for Beginnings.
Lately I’ve been struggling a lot with motivation. A lot of different things are pulling for my attention and I don’t feel like I can spend enough time on any of them, so I spend very little time on all of them. And then I go into this shame spiral where I do the everything thing. And that’s just not very productive.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Maybe I’m saying I’m going to post more and care less about it meaning something. Maybe I’m just making excuses. Maybe I just wanted to write again and I was able to carve out some time. I’m not promising anything will come of this.
I just wanted to get it out.