Alli and I were watching The Big Bang Theory last week and a preview for that godawful Twilight saga knockoff vampire movie came on. Almost simultaneously, Alli and I asked, “John C. Reilly, what are you even doing?”
It got us thinking. There are some seriously strange choices being made in Hollywood by good (well, at least formerly decent) actors. So I thought I would write a little post devoted to them…hopefully to call them out onto the carpet.
John C. Reilly
You earned an Oscar nomination for your work in Chicago. You’ve garnered more than one Independent Spirit nomination. You starred in Scorsese flicks, including The Aviator and Gangs of New York.
Then came Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
After that, you became convinced that you were Will Ferrell’s best friend, shacking up with him for a myriad of stinkers, including one of the worst movies I’ve ever subjected myself to in my life: Walk Hard. Here’s a tip for you, John: next to your godawful timing, Will Ferrell looks like a comedic genius. That’s why he keeps putting you in his movies…you make him look funnier.
I’m not saying you can’t make people laugh, but let’s try something serious every once in a while. You were great in Magnolia and Boogie Nights. Maybe call Paul Thomas Anderson up and ask him what he’s got cooking…
The Rock
I’m guessing you have a development deal with Disney.
That’s cool. You do what you gotta do to pay the bills. But even folks who cash in every once in a while on big budget box office hits will occasionally throw in something that stretches you as an actor.
Look, I understand that it has to be difficult to feign interest as you star in kid movie after kid movie, but could you at least throw in Rundown 2 for me? God knows that Seann William Scott could use the work.
I really enjoy you as an actor. You’re charming and engaging and you’ve got great delivery and timing despite the fact that you cut your teeth as a pro wrestler. That being said, please stop trying to re-brand yourself as “Dwayne Johnson”. It’s obviously not helping your career since your last 5 movies are as follows: The Tooth Fairy, Planet 51, Race to Witch Mountain, Get Smart and The Game Plan. Your next flick, The Other Guys, by Adam McKay, looks promising.
But if it sucks, the people are going to take back their claim on your elbow.
Eddie Murphy
Norbit. Dr. Dolittle. Daddy Day Care. The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Meet Dave. Imagine That. These movies aren’t even worth linking. You do know that the release of Norbit easily knocked you out of the running for your Oscar win for Dreamgirls, right? Because it seems like you don’t realize it.
You are a part of one of the most successful animated franchises in history and your character is probably the most beloved out of the bunch. But don’t be like Donkey. Don’t be stubborn. Make some better choices. You have it in you. We just haven’t seen it in a while.
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
You won an Oscar. You starred in Snow Dogs and Boat Trip. POOF!
There went your career. NEXT.
Renee Zellweger
When not buoyed by good writing, be it from Cameron Crowe or Helen Fielding, or your singing voice, people can’t help but notice your annoyingly scrunchy face. And I wouldn’t mention it if your acting was not slipping either, but these days, it seems like you are just playing the same person over and over and over again in one bad romantic comedy after another.
Nicholas Cage
submitted by Wrytir
Pretty sad when a former Oscar winner has to lean on his Dan Brown-like National Treasure series to keep his career afloat. I know that not getting the Superman reboot was a big blow to Nic, but did you have to respond by going and making that one with the flaming skulls? Outside of one or two big wins, your careers seems like an experiment in crap. I know that you’re trying to burst out of the shadow of the extremely talented Coppola family, but did you have to stray this far?
Now, I am well aware that there is only one female on this list. It’s either that there are very few bad roles for females in Hollywood or that movies are dominated by bad male roles. I don’t know. I’m sure you’ll tell me in the comments. So who would you like to write a letter to asking them: What are you even doing?
sorry- Walk Hard was funny and he was great in it, the song was great too
Awesome, awesome post brother! One of your best in a long time. Funny. Although, I didn’t respond to your tweet I was seriously going to say those 3 actors. No joke. I think Renee zelwegger has ALWAYS played the same roles. So I don’t know if she deserved to be on this list. Still, excellent post! Meesha is a moron. Walk Hard sucks worse than Larry Johnson’s constant apologies everytime he gets in trouble.
The 3 I was thinking was J.C. Reilly, Eddie Murphy, The Rock.
You call out Eddie Murphy and your example of his good work is Shrek? Really?
And are you implying that the Rock made a good movie? How someone can like the Rundown and then throw John C Reilly under the bus for Walk Hard is beyond me.
The Rock is awesome. Nuff said. The Rundown is a great movie and I too am hoping for a sequel to it.
Eddie Murphy movies annoys me but the kids seem to love them. Imagine That is one my kids current favorites.
The Rock is great. Yes he’s done some horrible movies recently. But I still like him as an actor. The Rundown is a great movie. Full of action & comedy. The opening scene in the club where he takes out the entire offensive line is fantastic. & who doesn’t love Christopher Walken?
I think most of the Rock’s recent movies have been great. I realize they aren’t geared towards us guys (like The Rundown or Walking Tall) but the kids really seem to enjoy them and for some reason, relate well with him. “The Race to Witch Mountain” was good as was “The Gameplan”
Shane- You are right to group all these actors together, with the exception of John C. Reilly. I think you are too hard (no pun intended) on “Walk Hard.” It was actually a kind of clever parody of these recent Cash/Charles biopics as well as rock history, and the songs were really great. I’ll also agree that The Rock is charming, but man he needs to choose roles better…great post!
Tyson, I don’t know if i would say the Rock’s recent movies have been “great.” but i will say that they are entertaining enough to watch with the kids. it’s hard finding movies that parents can watch with the kids. I know I’m probably going to get shit for saying this, but I enjoyed The Gameplan. I’m not saying it was a great movie. But it definitely wasn’t horrible. I agree with Shane that John C. Reilly has gone downhill since teaming up with Will Ferrell. Yes, he is more in the spotlight now with more central roles, but he needs to go back to being the REALLY GOOD supporting actor. He is probably the most disappointing one out of all of them. He & Cuba Gooding Jr. are the most deserving of the criticism because they are both so talented.
I think it is fair to wish that an actor with star potential like the Rock, would be in movies that adults enjoy. Fine, the Rock does well with these “Family” based movies, but that is one audience and honestly, I don’t even believe all parents really “want” to watch these movies but their choices are limited when going to the cinema with the kiddos in hand. So they see them, and they are fine. But when you think about the movies that move you, that make you feel something and make you think differently about life, I am going to guess it isn’t “The Tooth Fairy”. I am not saying it is “The Rundown either (although I did like that one) but come on Rock – are you really just trying to be eye candy for the moms of the world?
I think the Rock has exactly what Shane said: a multi-movie deal with Disney. I think Vin Diesel had that same deal for a little bit awhile back. Now he’s moved on to worse things. I tell you a movie you all need to check out though, which I think went straight to dvd, is Find Me Guilty. Probably Vin Diesel’s best acting. Funny, funny, underrated movie.
Being a Vin Diesel fan, I will have to find that movie and watch it.