Shane Life

While there are still several more sequels yet to emerge at the box office (Ocean’s 13, The Bourne Ultimatum, Fantastic Four 2, Harry Potter 5, Rush Hour 3, Saw 4), the 3 earliest (and perhaps most major) players in the box office game have already made their mark – Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Unsurprisingly, they were the top 3 earners over the Memorial Day Holiday Weekend. Spider-Man 3 broke the opening weekend record, pulling in $151 million in its first week. Shrek the Third broke the animated weekend record, pulling in $121 million two weeks after Spider-Man 3 opened and then Pirates 3 did $142 million over the holiday weekend, enough for first place in the race, but not enough to break Spider-Man 3’s recent record.

Alli and I have managed to make it to all three sequels and I’ve found each to not quite meet my expectations. The critics have railed against all of them for the most part, and with good reason. None of them has yet captured the brilliance of the original movies in the series. To most, the second in the series was a letdown. While the Pirates and Shrek franchises have managed to bounce back a little from their 2nd offerings, I thought none of the movies lived up to the expectations or the hype that their PR machines had generated for them this spring.

Spider-Man 3

Let me get this out of the way up front – I cannot stand Kirsten Dunst. I’ve never liked her in the Spider-Man movies and I always thought her chemistry with Tobey Maguire stank. She has nearly ruined some great movies (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) and hasn’t done a single good thing since Interview with the Vampire (save the aberration Bring It On, which I attribute to Gabrielle Union and Eliza Dushku). I just wanted to make sure that my preliminary bias is out there before I go off on this movie.

Obviously, I hated Dunst as Mary Jane. I mean I really couldn’t stand her. I really wanted Peter Parker to dump MJ halfway through the movie and hook up with Gwen Stacy for good. Bryce Dallas Howard acted CIRCLES around Dunst.

What bothered me most about Spider-Man 3 was that it was just a mess. I understand the multiple villains and their representation of the themes of revenge and redemption, but I just felt that Sandman was really distracting. I thought Thomas Haden Church was downright awful as Flint Marko. He brought virtually NOTHING to the character except gross chapped lips that looked more collagen-filled than Lisa Rinna.

I thought that the kid from That 70’s Show was pretty good and held his own playing – a darker version of Eric Forman. I half expected during the random dance scene that Fez and Jackie would show up a bust out some Travolta moves from Saturday Night Fever. But alas – it remained just a random dance scene in the middle of a comic book movie.

Overall, I didn’t like it nearly as much as I wanted to, but I still thought it was better than Spider-Man 2. They certainly spent a lot on effects, but as cool as it is seeing Spider-Man swinging through the city chasing bad guys, it got a little old. I’m not a comic guy, so I can understand how people might not understand that, but I just wanted a simpler, more straight-forward story.

Shrek the Third

I had very high hopes for the next movie on the list – Shrek the Third. The first Shrek movie is perhaps my favorite animated movie of the modern era. It was so creative and funny that it was difficult not to love it. You can understand why Mssrs. Spielberg, Katzenberg, and Geffen turned it into a franchise for Dreamworks. HELLO MERCHANDISING!

Shrek 2 was a bit of a disappointment to me, but as I watched it more, the funnier it got. On first watch, I definitely liked Shrek the Third more than Shrek 2. I thought that it had perhaps the best plot out of all three of the movies and I really liked how they tried to incorporate some new talent into the fold. They found success in Shrek 2 with Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots and so they brought in stalwarts like Eric Idle to voice the character of Merlin. They also made brilliant choices for the spoiled princesses, using Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris, Maya Rudolph, and Cheri Oteri (a grossly underused comedic talent). Unfortunately, their little nuggets of comedy were overshadowed by the complete overuse of Rupert Everett. Look, Rupe, I loved you in My Best Friend’s Wedding, but your Charming was just downright annoying and you got WAY too much screen time. You even drew time away from the Shrek/Donkey/Puss dynamic that had so much potential.

While I really enjoyed the movie, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted from it. Hopefully they’ll either retire the franchise or get some extremely good writers for the next one.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Last Friday, Alli and I braved the holiday weekend and went to see the third installment of Disney’s effects-laden popcorn flicks based on a pretty lame ride. Let’s face it, after Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, moviegoers were really left with no choice but to see the third one.

Clocking in at just under 3 hours, At World’s End is LONG. And not in a good way. I thought it was entertaining, but it just felt like Disney shoved 30 writers into a room, gave them some pizza and beer and said, “Write Pirates 3. Oh yeah, and make sure you give Keith Richards a part.”

It just felt really convoluted and while the ending was pretty satisfying, I didn’t like everything that led up to it. Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow is a scene chewer, but he is mysteriously absent for the first 45-50 minutes of the movie. That didn’t make sense to me, although the scene in which he returns is very funny and clever. It was one of my favorite parts of the movie.

Keira Knightly was leaned on a lot more heavily in this movie, but unfortunately she had to act opposite Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa for most of the movie, which was a difficult task – Barbossa was pretty awesome.

I just felt that if Disney was going to force me into seeing the third one by leaving me hanging like they did at the end of the second movie, they could have done it without a giant sea witch who turns into a bunch of crabs. That’s right. You read that correctly.

Overall, I was least disappointed by Shrek the Third thus far in the movie season. I haven’t been wowed yet, but there’s still a lot of summer left.

After a long hiatus, my fan club has returned! Alli has returned to blogging…YES!

She has a funny post today about dessert. GO READ IT!

Just wanted to invite all my readers to the Olathe Community of Christ tomorrow. I’ll be preaching on the subject of, “What Must I Do to Be Saved?”

I just wanted to extend the invitation.

Inspired by this article I got off of digg, I thought it would be a fun exercise to list the things that I think would improve all the shows that I watch on a weekly basis.

As the spring TV season comes to a close, there’s a lot of excitement because season finales are coming up (will the bomb actually go off on Heroes? who is going to die on Lost? the list of questions is endless…) and there’s a lot of speculation as to what will happen.

I love TV. Probably more than I should, but I do. There are some great shows out there that we watch and here are my suggestions to improving some of them:

LOST

Since Lost came back this season, I’ve been loving it. The show is still compelling, but it has its flaws. Here is what I’d do to make it better:

• Simplify. The show has gotten too sprawling. My favorite episodes of the season are the ones that return to the original core characters (Sayid, Jack, Kate, Locke, Sawyer). The Paulo/Nikki aberration this season was just weird. They guest-starred and then died/were buried alive. Juliet is plain evil, but we’ve had enough of her back story. If you’re going to give me the back story of anyone, make it the creepy scientist guy who just showed up on the island last week. I’d like to know what he’s all about. Which brings me to…
• Answer some questions. This is something that has always been a knock against Lost, and with good reason. So many things have happened that should probably be explained. First off…where the heck are they and what is this nonsense about Oceanic 815 being found at the bottom of the ocean? I don’t buy that for a second. I imagine that it is a part of some vast Dharma conspiracy. Creator Damon Lindelof has said numerous times that the castaways are not in purgatory. So WHERE ARE THEY? And who is the Dharma Initiative?
• Kill Charlie. Desmond predicted that Charlie would die. He should. He adds very little to the storyline, he doesn’t have any skills and his relationship with Claire is just annoying. He needs to go.
• Kate needs to decide – the doctor or the delinquent? Sure, she’s shacking up with Sawyer now, but the overt confusion Kate has over her feelings for the two dudes…it’s tired. It’s not like it matters. Has anyone else noticed that the more the show goes on, the more similar Sawyer and Jack become? Now no one trusts Jack and his past (albeit relatively recent past) is in question. Sound like a certain shaggy-haired criminal? Look, I don’t have feelings one way or the other. I don’t care who Kate chooses, although I think that Kate choosing Jack would make for better TV; her choosing Sawyer makes more sense to their characters (kindred criminal spirits and whatnot). Not only that, but Josh Holloway is a much better brooding actor. I just don’t buy Matthew Fox as an actor sometimes. Last week’s episode was some of Holloway’s best acting so far. It made me actually believe that if Fox were to leave the show, it would be in decent hands with Sawyer. I’m not saying that should happen, but the rumor is that there is a cast-changing event on the finale this year. Who’s to say it wouldn’t be Jack? Yeah right.

The Office

I don’t know if there are as many ways to improve The Office as there are to improve Lost. After last week’s “Women’s Appreciation” episode, I don’t know if there are any. These might be a stretch, but let’s see…

• Make Andy less creepy and more diabolical. When Andy came to the show, he was like a breath of fresh fraternity air. I think that the producers noticed that so they brought him and Karen from the Stamford branch to mix things up for the Dundies in Scranton. Last week’s episode, they put forth that he was in fact, the guy who flashed Phyllis (it was subtle, but watch again…you’ll see it). We know Andy’s crazy, but I didn’t see him as a sexual deviant. Go back to when he’d get all frustrated because Jim put his cell phone in the ceiling tiles…THAT was funny. Be real and leave the real creepiness to the king of it all, Creed “He was just hanging some brain” Bratton. Every time Creed is on screen, I laugh hysterically. He’s so subtle, but such an important part of the show.
• More background Kelly and Ryan. Her dancing in the car to Michael’s ring tone was priceless. Her telling Ryan she wanted to name their baby Suri Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor. Priceless. Ryan (who has just admitted to Jim that he sent an e-mail to Karen asking her out) saying he wouldn’t want to be in an office relationship was too funny. I think that BJ Novak and Mindy Kaling (who are two of the main writers of the show) are hesitant to put themselves on display, but they always make me laugh.
• Get rid of Jan. I think this may be a foregone conclusion after last week, but we’ll see. I don’t know what it is about her that is both funny and annoying. Last week’s episode put it into great perspective. She’s a dude.

How I Met Your Mother

Marshall and Lily and Barney have dominated this season. Rightfully so…they are the best characters. However, Ted is the driving force behind the show and it’s called How I Met Your Mother. I don’t think that the creators of the show (the real-life Ted and Marshall) are going to change their mind from the first season and Ted and Robin will end up together…I just don’t know where this alleged “mother” is going to come from. I think that there are still people who want it to be Robin, but it’s just not possible in my opinion. That leaves the show very open-ended and gives them the ability to figure out the perfect way for Ted to meet the mother. The show is awesome. It is really my new “Friends”. If you aren’t watching it, you should. I don’t really have any other suggestions.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I just read that for some reason, CBS has How I Met Your Mother “on the bubble”. That is utter ridiculousness, but it’s been quasi-confirmed by Kristin Veitch at E!Online (watch the video after the link). This was more than disheartening news for me…

Dancing with the Stars

• Get rid of Samantha Harris. Worst. Commentator. Ever.
• Make the Results show a half-hour. It is always an hour, which is totally ridiculous. Completely filler. No reason to be an hour.
• Consistent scoring. Last week when Apolo said that he’d like to see more consistent scoring across the board, I applauded him. Billy Ray Cyrus got a pass up until last night because he got good ratings (for God knows why). I couldn’t ever figure out why Len loved him and then was all over Joey and Apolo when they tried to entertain a little.

Entourage

• Make Vince less of a moron. The dude is seriously one of the worst decision makers I’ve ever seen. Perhaps that is on purpose, but it is annoying. Honestly, he is probably the worst character on the show. (Aside: I LOVED Adam Goldberg on Sunday’s episode…Hilarious.)
• Give Turtle something to do. Anything. I actually liked watching him last season try to be a manager. This year, he is Drama’s errand boy. He needs to progress a little as a character.
• More Lloyd. The relationship between Lloyd and Ari is the best part of the show. He’s been gone the last two episodes. BRING BACK LLOYD.

Heroes

This is a tough one because it’s new and I like it a lot, but I still have some opinions.

• Get rid of Nikki/Jessica. Ali Larter is an absolutely AWFUL actress. She shouldn’t be on the show.
• Have something happen to Peter that makes him lose all his powers. This is getting ridiculous. Sylar is likely going to die in the season finale…something should happen to Peter to keep him from gaining everyone’s power because either he will be like the ultimate hero or he’ll just be lame.
• Tell me what Mama Petrelli’s power is. Seriously. It is driving me nuts. I want to know!
• Get rid of Thompson (Eric Roberts). I think he is supposed to be sinister, but he just bugs me.

American Idol

I saved the most popular show on TV for last. Here’s my suggestion:

End the show. I wouldn’t buy the album of any of these fools left. Quit while you are ahead. If you can’t do that, at least replace Randy and Paula with people who speak English. If I have to hear “you worked it out” or “it just didn’t work for me” or “but you know I love you” or “you’re great” one more time, I’m going to puke. REAL CRITICISM, PEOPLE! That’s what you are there for!

Haven’t had many hours in the day to visit the old bloggy blog lately, but I’m working on some totally sweet posts that are pretty long.

While I sort those out, check out my twitter feed. Twitter is a short-entry blog-type post that limits your number of characters allowed to about 140 characters. I originally heard about the site from well-known blogger Jason Kottke and others I read have joined in the fun (see travis or rachel).

Until I get my posts done, you can check me out on Twitter. Feel free to join and add me as a friend.

UPDATE: I have canceled my Twitter account. I just couldn’t get into it.